That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i drank out of a bidet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
