The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
