Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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