just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
