Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize