I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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