I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
