You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
