i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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