Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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