conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am one with the molecules
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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