Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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