The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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