This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
