she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
