Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So much rum. So many feels.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize