You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
