took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
