Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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