They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
