We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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