What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
