I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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