she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
