I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize