dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Someone came in the potted fern
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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