The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
