You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
