I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize