all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So much rum. So many feels.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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