I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize