Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
