I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
