Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
