my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
