capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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