she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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