drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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