We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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