She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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