it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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