i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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