im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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