just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
