Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
