What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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