that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
