so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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