Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
