Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
