Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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