Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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