he looks like a really good dad on facebook
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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