porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
