Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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