he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
