I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
