You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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