Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
