i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
