If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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