I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize