It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
