I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just google imaged poop.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
