so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Randomize
