Do you still have your period?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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