Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
