drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
