There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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