so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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