sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
