My friends, they love my intelligence
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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