So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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