glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
