I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
