obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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