wat bout pragnant strippers??
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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