tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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