You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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