I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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