no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
