I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
