the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
