Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
