He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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