I need help removing her.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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