Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
