So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
