Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
