I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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