the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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