i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
