i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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