And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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