Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
