is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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