My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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