So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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