oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
