he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
