I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
