k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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