Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
