Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize