obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
