Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
