just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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