you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
