i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
