Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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